Flashlight Alternate
by Em Fargo
Summary: THIS IS AN ALTERNATE THINGY 2 FLASHLIGHT. suze tells ALL to jesse! DO NOT READ TILL AFTER CHAPPER 8 OF FLASHLIGHT. this did not ahppen, but i have permission 2 post it.


Hi! I just finished chapper 'marionette' of Flashlight, which is among the awesmoeest sotries EVA! And I couldn't help but make up in my head a dialogue between Jesse and Suze. In my head, it made me cry, which was the goal, as I am a budding actress. I won't be able to do it justice, of course. Then, as I was typing it up, it got totally out of my hands and grew and grew… It'll be a 1-shot, tho. Anyway, if you are reading this, I got lolly and hayley's permission 2 publish it, so don't worry bout that. Don't even THINK about reading this b4 u read Flashlight! (at least up 2 chapper marionette, which is where I am) Anyway, if you DON'T read flashlight, u will b seriously missing out! I don't own Jesse, Suze, or Paul, they belong to Meg Cabot (all hail her name), and I don't own the setup 4 this dialogue, including Dani, they belong 2 lolly and hayley, who ROCK. Erm… this shall take place… Hmm… when he's following her up the stairs, I think.

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'Stop _touching_ me!' I finally exclaimed, exasperated.

'You can't walk. I'm trying to help.'

'Well stop helping!'

'Why are you so hostile?'

At the top of the flight, I spun around. It hurt, but meh. 'You want to know why I'm so hostile? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I'VE BEEN SO HOSTILE?' I lost it then. 'You ruined my life!'

'What?'

'You abandoned me! I could have been happy. But you left and made my life _hell_.'

Silence. 'What?'

'Don't you give me _what_! _Paul_ said he loved me. _Paul_ said he wouldn't leave me like _you_ did. _Paul_ said he'd come with me. I could have been as happy and as lucky as Dani is now.' Jesse looked sufficiently pained. Good! 'But you know what? When the time came for me to decide, I went crawling back to you. Because, idiot that I am, I believed you when you said you loved me.' He opened his mouth, but I cut him off. 'So I went back to you. And you left me with nothing but a note in a hospital bed. You smashed my heart with a hammer and kept the pieces.'

'I… I thought it was my own heart I was breaking.'

I wouldn't hear of it. 'Yeah, right. I've been living a hollow sham of a life while you've been over here being best friends with Jack like you were with me.'

He looked almost about to smile! How _dare_ he! 'Not exactly like I was with you…'

'Oh, you're _so_ funny. Ruin everything and then laugh about it.'

'Susannah, my only sustaining thought since you left was that somewhere, _you_ were happy.'

'Well then you shouldn't have felt very sustained, because I haven't been happy since that day in the hospital room.'

'I… surely you don't mean…'

'I do mean! I haven't had a day when I haven't thought about you. Or Paul. When I haven't dreamed about you both.'

'Don't I feel special.'

'You shouldn't. You ruined everything!'

'I thought it would be best for _you_!'

'Well then, you thought wrong. I died that day. Worse than a real death. I had to go on living. And worse than murder, because I loved you. And you ripped my heart out with your bare hands.'

'Susannah… I had no idea…'

'Lucky. You.'

'_Querida_…'

'Don't you call me that! I'm not your dear one!' I started to stalk away. My usual good luck caused me to fall. But I didn't make it to the floor. Jesse caught me, so that I was in his arms for a second. Warm… No! Bad! I started to walk away, still mad, but he held me back. 'Let me go!'

He ignored me. 'Who was calling you before? Who you told never to call you again?'

'Oh. Just one of my many boyfriends.'

He stared at me. 'I thought you said – '

'That I was never happy? Did I _say_ I was ever happy? I seem to attract losers, users, and abusers. That was my stalker, Cole on the phone. He's the one who got me fired from my shitty job at Starbucks.' He looked blank. 'That coffee place. Oh yeah. He's also the one who gave me this bruise on my face. And others.'

'Susannah, I'm so sorry… I had no idea…' I tried to stand up again, and he let me this time. 'Is there anything – '

I cut him off. 'I can't get the wasted years of my life back. I'll never be the same.'

'Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds.'

Shakespeare. Wonderful. 'So now you love me. Right.'

'If I didn't love you… I would never have let you go.'

'That doesn't make sense.'

'_Querida_ – ' He broke off as I shot him a glare. 'Susannah. Listen to me. I thought that without me holding you back, you would live your life to its full potential. Be happy. Find someone who was… alive.'

'Did you ever consider what _I_ wanted? Maybe I didn't _want_ someone who was alive!'

'You've never had a history of good decisions.'

He did _not_! 'I make mistakes, and I get punished. It doesn't matter how good my intentions were, I can't do anything right, and I don't get anything good. All that ever happens to me is bad. Maybe I should just go on a killing rampage. Then I'd probably win the lottery.'

'You speak of good intentions? What do you call what I intended? _I_ sacrificed _my_self for _you_. For love of you. And all I've earned is your hatred.'

'I don't hate you, Jesse,' I said quietly. 'I've definitely tried, but I can't.'

'By the way you act…'

'I have to act like I hate you. I always have. Since the day we met, I had to act like I hated you so I didn't fall in love.' I laughed ruefully. 'Actually, it didn't work then, either.'

'Are you saying…?'

'Yes, Jesse, I freaking love you. I always have, and I've never wanted to.'

'You sound like the Misanthrope.'

'Is that all you have to say?'

'That and… and… I still shouldn't.'

'Jesse, if you do this again, I will kill… myself. Do you love me or not?'

He shook his head. 'Of course I do. But I want better for you!'

'OK. Which? The guy who hits me, the guy who screws me and never calls until he wants more, the guy who – '

'None!'

'Huh. Well, there's Paul…'

'No!' he blurted. Hah. 'Are they really your only other options?'

'You know what, Jesse? Don't stay just because you pity me. If you don't really love me… just… go. I won't kill myself. Happy? And I won't make a move on Paul. No promises on not killing Dani, but it won't have to do with this. I'll just keep on living like I've been doing. See? Guilt free. I'll only talk to you when I absolutely have to. I won't even pick fights. With you. There. Everyone's happy.'

'Would _you_ be happy?'

'That's never been a factor _before_…'

'It's been the only factor. I'm sorry if I don't know how to go about it.'

'Try asking me. Maybe I would know. Just a thought.'

Silence, then: 'You're right.'

'Good. You still haven't answered my question.'

'Which?'

'The "do you love me" one.'

'Do I have to answer this?'

'Umm… YEAH.'

'Fine.' He hesitated. 'Yes. I love you. There hasn't been a day or a night when I haven't thought about you. Prayed that you were happy without me. Hoped you didn't miss me. Tried not to hope that you did miss me. That you did think about me. That you wouldn't forget about me, but that you would go on living. Be happy.'

'Well, you got half your wish.'

'The selfish half.' He waited. 'Are you going to say anything about the rest of my monologue?'

'Yes. Good. I hope you suffered.' I started stalking off again. Bumped into him immediately. He held my arms, trapping me.

'You made me admit that I loved you and all you said was that you hope I suffered?'

'All you left me was a note on my pillow. In a _hospital_ bed!'

'You shouldn't have loved me, Susannah. You never should have.'

'Believe me, I know.'

There was more quiet. He broke it. 'So where are we, now? Back where we started?'

'Are you going to leave me this time?'

He resigned. 'No. I'll never leave you again. Just stop crying.'

Crying? Who was crying? Was I? 'Damn! I haven't cried for… like… days!'

'Days?'

'That's what you _do_ when your life is hell.'

'_Querida_… I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to turn out that way. I would rather you be happy with _Slater_ than unhappy with me.'

'Really?'

'Of course.'

'Jesse…'

'Yes?'

'I do love you. Sorry I'm such a bitch.'

'You're not.'

'I know several people who would disagree.'

'They would have to take that up with me, wouldn't they?'

'OK.' And on that eloquent note, Jesse's head seemed to be getting closer to mine. Like we were teenagers again. Well, like I was, and Jesse was the same age. I drifted inevitably toward him until my lips finally made contact with… a HAND? (A/N: What? No kiss? I hate when scenes get out of my hands! Actually, I don't really. But still…) Not Jesse's hand, either. Jesse's hand knew hard work. This hand's hardest work was signing documents. 'Paul! How long have you been there?'

'Long enough to know that there'd either be a fight to watch or a kiss to stop. I can't believe after all this, you take me for granted.'

'What _about_ you?'

'"There's always Paul," "I'll just make a move on Paul…" Need I go on?'

'I just said that to…' I started lamely, 'make a point.'

'Point being?'

'That your name is an easy method of persuasion?'

'How flattering.' He grinned. How infuriating.

'What's so funny?'

'You're doing it again. You're making Jesse mad and insulting me at once. So priceless, Suze. Hah. Look at the look on his face.'

I turned to Jesse in horror. And it was true, he looked livid.

'It is not Susannah making me angry.' That was a relief! 'Run.'

'You wouldn't dare hurt me.' There was evil laughter. Not from any of us. From the ghosty we had evidently taken a break from hunting. A painting fell on Paul's head.

Jesse leaned back toward me, but just to whisper that the painting hadn't been from the same source as the laugh. But that we should probably get _out_. He levitated the now unconscious Paul down the stairs and, realizing that I couldn't run, lifted me up. Funny. He could've levitated me too. And before, I now realized, when I first hurt my leg, he didn't have to actually lift me up. Well, this time, I wasn't complaining. He ran until we hit the rest of the group.

'Ghost encounter,' he explained. 'Fallen painting.' Leave it to Jesse to not lie but deliberately mislead. Brilliant. I repeated this for CeeCee and Adam's benefits.

Jack ran to his fallen brother, who was just starting to wake up.

'Paul,' Father Dom started. 'What is the last thing you remember?'

'Hmm…' he groaned exaggeratedly. 'Jesse was mad at me… and then… I woke up.' Oh, typical!

So I reminded him. 'Umm… You seem to have forgotten the bit with the evil laughter? It was the ghost.'

'Maybe, but which ghost?'

'Paul, shut – I mean, no need to accuse the guy who got you away from them!'

Jack's mouth was open. Wasn't drooling, though, that was a plus. 'Suze… why are you being all nice to Jesse? And why is he still holding you up?' Jesse made an 'oh' sound and put me down. Thanks a _lot_, Jack.

Jesse and I kept shooting each other looks, though, that even Cee and Adam couldn't miss.

'Are you guys, like, together now?' I wondered if Jack really had enough reason to be so excited about this. Jesse and I exchanged identically questioning glances.

'I… are we?' I asked nervously. He nodded uncertainly. We'd regressed past teenagers and were in about middle school.

'Su-uze i-is blush-ing!' sang Adam merrily. But he lost his singsong rhythm on 'Suze is blush-ing more because I'm singing about her blush-ing!' CeeCee giggled.

'Yay!' shouted Jack. He gave Jesse and me hugs, much to Paul's annoyance.

'Umm, just woke up from a comatose state, over here?'

'Yeah, and I can't walk. If they give _you_ special treatment, I _will _have to point out a problem. Except you, Dani. Go nuts.'

'How kind of you,' she answered dryly. She did, though. 'My poor widdle…' From there, I tuned her out entirely. I didn't care anymore. I had Jesse. Still hadn't kissed him in just over five years, but he was mine now. I thought about pretending to fall just so Jesse'd catch me again, but I decided that was too Kelly Prescott. And of course, with my luck, Jack would catch me. Or Father Dom. Or… well… anyone in the room except Jesse. Now, when we had to partner up, I could go with Jesse! I wondered if Jack would mind going with Father Dom and being the only partners who weren't a couple. Meh. Jack had a girlfriend. And Father Dom was married to God or something like that. Wow. What would this be like? Back with Jesse again, who, I admitted now, I had loved for about seven years. Together again. And this time, he wouldn't leave me.

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A/N: Seriously no kiss? That sux! But it's a cute ending, I think. review if u want... reviewers ROCK! 


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